Sadly like a Law & Order episode

I had this freaky dream the other night that made me think I’m starting to get clucky. (I realise this is a self-fulfilling whatsit, because I sort of want to start getting clucky, so I probably made it happen, but still. I like it when my subconsious turns out to be going along with my conscious. And yet. Oh, just read on.) It was fairly freaky though (the more so now I think back and try to remember it), and very vivid.

I had a baby, in this dream. A girl, I think, and I was so happy and got this warm glowy feeling when I held her, and she was all happy and smiley and sweet. She talked to me, too, even though she was only a little baby. But evidently I hadn’t had her long and I didn’t really know much about babies. To wit, we went on a drive and put the baby in the boot of the car for safekeeping. (I’m not sure who “we” was. My mother might have been there. Which really indicates how silly this dream was, because my mother knows about babies. At least, she had me, and she’s always tutting because some baby in a buggy as we pass is too hot or too cold or has the sun in its face and the mother isn’t realising. So I don’t think she’d let me do that to my baby.) At some stage I decided I should feed her, and I took out my boob and tried, but I don’t think she wanted it or something. Anyway, it all devolved sadly like a Law & Order episode and my baby died because I hadn’t fed her because I didn’t realise she was hungry. Or something like that. It was a bit confusing, to be honest.

So I woke up feeling guilty but also suffused with all this fuzzy glowy love for my baby.

Heh. This reminds me that my ex-flatmate had a dream once where I had a baby and I gave it to him to hold and he dropped it on the ground and the head shattered into a million pieces. And he thought “Fuck. I’ve killed her baby. She’s going to be livid.” This was hilarious, but maybe it’s all in the telling.