Glass walls, class wars

SCENE: The kitchen, looking out to the back garden where the builder is paving the new patio. (Not my kitchen.) (In case you thought it was.)

CAST OF CHARACTERS: Maud, Monkey (5), Moose (5), Mabel (2-and-a-half), Len the Builder

STAGE DIRECTIONS: French door to patio is halfway open. Len sits down to have a quiet smoke. The children and Maud are sitting inside the french doors having a snack and a cup of tea respectively.

Monkey: Why is the builder using a cigarette?
Mabel: What's a cigarette?
Moose: I know what that is, it's a cigarette! Smoking is Bad For You!
Monkey: Yes, it makes black stuff go in your lungs.
Mabel: Mummy, what's the man doing?
Maud, cringing, knowing Len can hear every word: Well, sometimes grown-ups smoke. But it's not very good for them.
Monkey: It's very dangerous!
Moose: Yes, it's very bad!
Len, interjecting from outside to kindly put me out of my misery: That's right, Mum. You tell them. It's a filthy 'abit.
Monkey: But, but, how can he get one? Doesn't it cost lots and lots of money?
Maud, realising that Monkey is mixing this up with that talk we had about illegal drugs and how some people do bad things to get money to buy drugs, all stemming from that time his friend's dad was mugged, which may or may not have had anything to do with drugs at all, but how do you explain to kids that some people just hurt other people for kicks?: No, you're allowed to buy cigarettes. I mean, grown-ups are. They're a bit expensive but not very. Sort of like the way we're allowed to buy wine...
Len: Ah now, are you taking my drink away from me too?
Moose: But why do people use them if they know they're bad?
Maud: [Sigh. Ugh. Why do I get into these things?] Well, at first somebody might just smoke a cigarette and think it's okay. But after a while, their body starts to want one even though they know it's bad for them, and then it's much harder to stop.
Monkey and Moose, sanctimoniously: Well, my body's never going to want a cigarette.
Mabel [comes over and insinuates herself onto her mother's lap; stands up and bounces happily]: When I'm a grownup, my body's going to want a cigarette.

I am so in trouble when that girl turns 14.