ME: Sit down. Here's your homework. Look. Have you a pencil? Here. Write your name and the date at the top.
Sit down. Sit. On. Your. Bottom.
Mabel, do you want to colour? Here are the markers. Here's your My Little Pony colouring book.
MABEL: Yayyy! Oooh, Pinkie Pie!
DASH: Where? Where's Pinkie Pie? Show me Pinkie Pie!
ME: Dash, sit down. Ignore her. Have you written your name? Now the date. Look, you look at the calendar. It's Thursday, so it's the 30th. Write Aug, A-U-G. Thirty. Okay?
DASH: Done! Done. I've done it.
ME: And the year. 2012. Sit down.
MABEL: Rainbow Dash! Look, I found Rainbow Dash!
DASH: Show me! I wanna see Rainbow Dash!
ME: SIT DOWN. WRITE THE YEAR.
DASH: Wow, there are a lot of 2s. It's like a pattern, look! Two-zero-one-two, see?
ME: Yes. [He's written the 2s backwards. I ignore it.] Okay. Let's read what it says. This says "Directions". Now you read.
ME: The W is silent.
DASH: Oh. Rrrr-ih-tuh...
ME: Silent E, look.
DASH: Oh, right. R-ite...out
ME: No. It's a number.
DASH: One c-l-a-ss-r-oo-m...
ME: Very good.
MABEL: Twighlight sparkle! Ooh, Twighlight Sparkle and the Princess!
DASH: Show me! Where? Show me!
ME: Mabel, you need to move into the other room. Stop distracting him. Okay, look, here we are. "Write one classroom..."
ME: It's a silent E again.
DASH: Oh. Rull...
DASH: Oh, right. D-r-a-w a pic-ture of...
ME: Good, good.
DASH: ...yourself f-u-l-u-w-ing...?
DASH: Following the ru-ll... rule.
ME: Yes. Great. So. Write a rule. Can you think of a rule?
DASH: Um. Let me think...raise your hand before asking a question... no, not that one...
ME: That sounds like a good one.
DASH: No, let me think of something else...
MABEL: Applejack! Look, Applejack!
DASH: I want to see Appleja...
ME: I AM GOING TO THROW AWAY YOUR LIGHTSABER!
DASH: No, no!
ME: Mabel, if you say one more thing I'm going to throw away all your ponies.
DASH: Always listen to what the teacher is saying. That's a good one.
ME: Okay. Go ahead. Write what you hear.
ME: ListeN, listeN. Look at what you wrote.
DASH: Lise...r? Why is that there? Why did I do that? [Changes the r to an n. I stop watching.]
DASH: There, done! Is it right? Is there anything I spelled wrong?
lisen to the techurs is sainge
ME: Perfect. Great.
DASH: Really? Did I spell everything right? Tell me!
ME: If I tell you, the teacher will know you didn't do it yourself, and it's more important that you did it yourself.
Now a picture.
[Draws two heads. One has a big ear, facing the other one that has a wide open mouth. It's a pretty good depiction of what he's trying to say, actually.]
ME: Hooray! Done! Yay! Is it wine time yet?*
[Mabel is found under the coffee table colouring her knees a nice dark green.]
* In real life this all took much longer, there were many more interruptions by Mabel and many more SIT DOWNs from me. I decided to condense it all a bit for your sake. (You're welcome.) Then I had many more glasses of wine.