Not pregnant. Well, no big shock there. Must try harder.
A) How can I not be pregnant? We've been having unprotected sex for a whole month. Surely I should be, like, knocked up multiple times over by now. All those occassions when I panicked because I was a few hours late with a pill, or something broke, or something got a bit too close to something else - suddenly it seems like it was a massive overreaction. (Of course, I was younger and probably massively more fertile, so panicking was the sensible course of action.) But I'm starting to think that it only happens if you don't so much want it to. Gah.
B) Clearly, if it didn't work the first time, it must be because it's never going to work at all. Or certainly not the second or third time, which is all the times we have before we have to stop for the moment, due to impending possibly intercontinental move in a year's time. More gah. I hate not being able to make things happen according to my exact wishes.
C) This waiting time is really annoying. It's too early to start trying again, but I'm afraid that when the time comes we just won't have enough sex because we're old and boring and too tired and have to get up early in the morning and crap excuses like that. We're so pathetic. (I'm not complaining about the quality-not-quantity aspect of my sex life, I'm really not. But perhaps in this instance, we need a return to our early 20s.) And then, even when we've done the requisite amount of the horizontal mambo, there's only a 20% chance of it working in any given month. And that's assuming all our various bits are in perfect working order, and who knows, really.
Overall, gah. I want the time to go on quickly, and yet I don't, because at least now I can still be optimistic (call this optimism?) and once I've ovulated it'll be fatalism all the way.